the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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