Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
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the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
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"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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