I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
