I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
