Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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