im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
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No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
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You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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