So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
