you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
