i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
