For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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