I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
