I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
