Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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