Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
