hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
