I just cut my nipple shaving
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
