he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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