i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
