He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
