dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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