ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
