while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
