I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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