i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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