dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
