My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
