Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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