i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize