There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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