Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
