I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
