Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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