Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
no, he came in my armpit
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
