so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
