At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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