they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
