saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
