That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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