His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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