We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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