'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
