I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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