dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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