I can text with my tongue
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
