Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
