My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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