Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
