and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize