I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
