I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
