I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
