In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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