The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
