My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
