I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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