Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We were destined to go to rehab together
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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