Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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