You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
