So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
