i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Randomize
