Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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