Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
