Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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