you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
