the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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