Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My vagina is officially offended.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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