Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
