So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
