when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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