I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
how does that bad decision feel?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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