Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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