my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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