My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
