remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
