guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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