my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
