I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
