Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
