So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
