I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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