I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
