Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Life is so much better after having sex.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
