'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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