I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
