Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
