She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
